Date: 31/10/10
Game: Guilford Saints V BAWFC
Author: Gilly
Players' POTM: Gilly
Mangers' POTM: Gilly
Guilford Saints 0 BAWFC 9
Team: Natasha, Gilly (7), Jayshree, Julia, Katie, Lisa, Liz (1), Lucy (1), Mandip, Nav, Silmara
Pre-match preamble
The journey to Guilford began auspiciously. The team off promptly at 11.23. A mere 23 minutes late. Those of the team travelling in the racing car with Lucy Lewis-Hamilton” [the 1st woman to drive F1 for the McClaren team] experienced 1st hand what happens when you attach a big sign to the car you are travelling in which says saying “please crash into me you d--k”.
The consequences of the folly of the sign quickly became clear on the motorway M4/M25 as Lucy Lewis- Hamilton attempted the classic no mirror, no signal and no looking manoeuvre into the inside lane. All was well for 0.5 of a second until it became clear that another car driven by what is known in F1 jargon as a “d--khead” sped up the inside lane on the motorway at 92 mph just as Lucy Lewis- Hamilton”was moving her vehicle at approx 95 mph into the same lane . The passengers were understandably terrified as an NDE was not on the agenda that quiet Sunday morning.. Tash in the front passenger seat or “the death seat” as it is now referred to commented on Lucy Hamilton’s coolness at how the near fatal collision was averted by her cat like reflexes with one hand on the steering wheel - she swerved and certain mortality was happily avoided.. The other hand was at the time turning up the radio as the music was not loud enough as everybody’s ear drums had not started to bleed or explode. Why the radio was on at all was a mystery as it did not play “music” but simply emitted a stream of endless noise pollution……..
All of the passengers were thrown to the right of the vehicle with Lisa giving a “faceprint” on the window in true police style and as we returned to our own seats all the passengers mysteriously reached for their seatbelts and “buckled up”. Better late than never the passengers chorused.
Gilly sat behind the “death seat” occupied by Tasha could actually name the entire contents of the interior of other car [cuddly toy et al] having been practically sitting in it and was close enough to read the time on the others drivers watch.
The watch said “time to die”.
Lisa and Nav were away from the direct impact side and were more philosophical on their NDE but felt the need to take out their hand held devices, reach out to their loved ones and re-write their last will and testaments.
After circling the hospital we finally arrived safely at our destination we all thanked our various Gods and Guardian Angels for being able to step out of the vehicle without need of the fire brigade to cut us out of it.
Nav very kindly apologised to Lucy for the state of her top. Unwanted anal evacuation or involuntary bowel movement had been an inevitable consequence of the NDE. Lucy Lewis-Hamilton would not be wearing her top on this occasion but thankfully accepted the consequences graciously without demanding payment for the dry cleaning.
Truly Lucy Lewis Hamilton has a generous spirit!!.
The other vehicles arrived without apparent incident.
Legal Disclaimer: A Caveat
This match report bears no relation to actual events or to persons actually living and any such likeness is purely coincidental.
Pre Match Tension [PMT]
Nails were bitten down to the quick as Del “the coach” [as he is known] announced the squad. Del had a plethora of talent to pick from – so many players to choose from - an embarrassment of riches that managers such Sir Alex F can only dream of. The “lucky 11” prepared themselves for the KO. The disappointed subs could only look, longingly, waiting for their opportunity to demonstrate their skills.
The BA team was led by Katie “Brave heart” who gave a rousing speech to the team before the KO.
Inspired by her great oratory and bottom waving at the opposition the team strode majestically onto the pitch.
The Football Match
The referee blew his whistle and Lucy L-H got the game underway.
The first few minutes were cagey as the teams probed each other for their Achilles heel.
An excellent passing movement from BA’s midfield dynamos Katie “braveheart” and HRH Elizabeth resulted in a great shot from Lucy L-H only to be saved by the keeper. Ooh sounded the crowd. It was clear that it was going to be an open game with both sides keen to play football.
The ball was sent skyward into the BA half by the excellent Guilford keeper. Silmara watched the ball closely and rose like salmon to head the ball to Mandip who played a crisp pass out to Jaysheree. J skipped past her defender and played a good ball into the area but it was cleared by the defence for a corner.
Julia who had an excellent game took the 1st corner of the game but sadly BA could not convert it and the ball was scrambled away.
BA opened the scoring with a shot from Gilly from the edge of the box. Jay nearly made it 2-0 with her superb left foot but was thwarted by a great save.
Guilford pressed but Nav was fast and strong at the back mopping up any threat with “german” efficiency having had the benefit of sitting next to Petra in the bar….
Tasha the very talented keeper of the BA goal was relegated to the role of spectator [or “Goldfish in her goal bowl”] for much of the half as BA dominated the play. On the right Lisa combined well with Lucy L-H and a swerving shot could only be parried by the keeper and fell to the feet of the onrushing Gilly to side foot into an empty net.
Her Royal Highness Elizabeth [HRH] dominated proceedings in midfield and dished out some “royal” tackles and regal passes for her hoi polloi team mates.
After some excellent work by Katie “braveheart” and Lisa again, Jules stepped up putting in an excellent corner into the 6 yard box. After some drama it fell to Lucy L-H who was calmness personified and lifted the ball over all the defence and the goalkeeper to score a great goal – poborsky style.
The half was rounded off with a sublime pass by Mandip which split the defence like the most amazing splitty cutty thing you have ever seen for Gilly to run onto and score with just the goalkeeper to beat.
Half time 4-0.
The second half was text book defending by a superb back four for BA. Tasha was called into action and played a cheeky pass out to Nav who swept the ball to HRH Queen Elizabeth who then beat 2 players and hit a bullet from 35 yards out and the The crowd were on their feet…. They thought it was all over ….
The unfortunate goalkeeper could only watch as the ball dipped under the bar and nestled in the net…. It was all over…. The fat lady had sung..
There would be more goals yet in the game and a series of shots rained in on the goal from HRH, Katie “braveheart”, Lisa and Lucy L-H but the Goalkeeper was like an invisible forcefield repelling all of these quality strikes.
As the half progressed the team followed the coaches edicts of “play passing football” and there was much of the beautiful game to admire throughout the team. HRH was unfortunate to have a superb goal disallowed for offside after some excellent passing throughout the team.
Gilly was fortuitous and scored 4 more goals the pick of the bunch [or more accurately the only she can actually remember] was a lovely pass from Katie “Braveheart” into the box leaving a simple side foot into the bottom corner. Indeed Gilly spurned the chance to score again when her shot hit the post late in the game.
It was a game played in good spirit and but for the heroics of Guilfords goalkeeper, it would have been more.
Thank you to Majid and Del.
