This Season

After our league cup semi final win:

"So we know we have made the final, the only question that remains...is the final being played at Wembley?!" - Amy

On route to an away game:

Lucy gets the team a shout out, "Good luck to Lucy, Tasha, Preeti, Elsa and Na travelling to their Sunday League football match" - Kiss FM

In the changing room:

Our captain talking about dogs not being allowed on our Concorde pitches, "Well they allow H******* V**** on the pitch" - Anon

"An inch makes a difference..." - Jayshree

Whilst warming up:

A drill involving hand holding and football passing, "Glenn, are we allowed to touch ourself?" - Preeti. Glenn, "After the game Preeti".

"There is nothing wrong with stuffing some tissue down there" - Glenn, who was actually talking about shin pads

On the pitch:

After a goal kick, "Oh great kick! Come on BA, let's make the most of it! OH SH*T!" - Petra, who was playing CB

After the tenth foul on our striker, "Excuse me! I don't dive! I'm a rugby player, rugby players don't dive!" - Gilly

Previous Seasons

Carina in the pub after the match::

"When I'm not wearing my glasses I don't hear very well"

At a 5aside tournament when talking about the number of teams entered to play:

"Ok, so there are 10 leagues with 6 teams in each, that makes loads of teams! Like 600!" - Lou (who works in Finance, No Lou, that makes 60.)

Whilst paintballing we were taking about bushes....

"One time in the changing rooms Petra was drying herself. I was sat underneath her and her towel fell..." (Char's contribution to the conversation)

Silvia and her bad back....

Silvia says: but apparently I have been bent since young
Nav says: yes we know that.....

Team selection logic in the bar:

"Well, you've got 15 players here. So even if 5 drop out, you are still left with a full 11..." - Lou (who works in Finance)

From the Ealing pub crawl 2006:

"It's taking ages to get hard" - Nav, pub no 19

"Hmm, nice Baileys" - Jacinta while slurping a JD & coke in pub no 20

Random:

"She was screaming for it...... so I gave it to her!" - Preeti about Petra at 5-aside

"I was making too much noise so he said, 'Petra, get off!!'" - Petra

"I was dripping..." - Katie

"Spread your legs Jenny! It's easier that way!" - Jacinta "Gender" at training

"Are penalties direct or indirect?" - Jacinta "Gender" at Goals 5aside tournament

"And the woman was touching my mangos" - Nav (in the changing room - exchanging supermarket gossip ...)

"A nice young man" - Katie Y (in the curry house when asked if anything was missing ...)

"I'll bring a dildo....... no, I mean a lilo." - Karen

"I don't like wearing heels" - Amrik

"I'm on anyone, anytime" - Preeti

"To whom did the Maltese referee say 'Open your legs, please.'?" - Suzie

"One the girls was offside, so she clipped the back of my heels. I went falling down. As my face was just about to hit the floor the ball bounces up and smacks my nose, then to make matters worse I hit the floor with my face!" - Preeti

In the changing room:

"I'll have number sex" - Lee

"The away team are at home" - Nav

"It's Valentine's Day in our house every day....." - Sim

At the Bingo social:

"Oh, your numbers look different to mine!" - Pauline